What the hell to write?

by Margaret Berg

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I have stopped by here and stared at this screen multiple times these past couple weeks thinking of witty things to say. I have now realized that the daunting pressure that is this blank box is a metaphorical cock block. I have no mojo while staring at it, and thus this explains why in the past I have resorted to telling you about my life. In normal, everyday settings, I am what people describe as fun. With exception to the few, the proud, the oddly intimidating people in my life, I am what most would call boisterous, loud, free, and vivacious. Except here. My philosophic thoughts are drained, my humor falls flat, and my tone comes out somewhat winy, slightly abrasive, and overall unappealing. If anyone who knows me experiences this every time they see me, they may consider me a number of things, stupid being among them, yet I am far from it. Or at least I like to think I am.

So Why the apprehension? Why do I shoot myself in the foot? Most of the time I want them to like me, like I want this white box and those who stumble over this to like me. I think so much about this that I shut down. I like to blame the people, but the truth is- I’m better suited for not giving a shit. Yet for these select few, I have already decided that they don’t like me, that they won’t like me, that if left alone together it would be like one awkward silent car ride. Maybe I lack the tact to understand where I went wrong, when I became someone worth ignoring, or, which is more preferable, maybe I do this to myself. Maybe they would give me a chance, stop ignoring me, if I just simply stopped caring what they thought.

So, here’s my New Year’s in July resolution: I will work to stop over thinking around intimidating people. I will accept that I will make a fool out of myself in front of them, and as I do with everyone else- I will laugh it off. These people are not special, and I will not build them up to be something more than what they are, which is human. Plain and simple.

Enjoy the sunshine-y tree.

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